A Day in the Life

I Just Love You…

Today by some unexplainably wonderful turn of events, my two year old began calling me ‘Mama Bear’ which sounds more like mama beew. And my four year old will be turning five soon, and has been flexing his proverbial muscles trying to show us who’s boss. My six year old freshly turned seven is budding socially and affirming her position in the family as the resident “sweetheart”. Then there’s my nine year old, who I will be holding for the last time tonight. Tomorrow, she will be ten. If I am being honest, and I am. I feel a sense of grief. Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed, I’ve got a good life, but what I don’t have anymore is a nine year old. I blinked, quite by accident, and she’s gone. Six year old, seven year old, eight year old M. Gone. Nine year old M…gone. And what I have here before me is a lanky, articulate, intense 10 year old, who just wants to sit on my lap tonight.
If I have learned anything it’s this. Life is short. As the Bible reads “All men are like grass. All their glory like the fields, the grass withers and the flowers fall.”
I may not have those sweet fat legged babies anymore, but I have now. Right now. I have another moment, another glimpse, another fit of laughter, another walk in the sunset.
Because I have now, I must make the most of it. I must breath deeply and take it all in. That means there are days that I do not turn on a single screen. Hours of my day when social media is a distant memory. Moments however intense, I grab a member of my tribe and say “I just love you.” Sometimes I do it at the height of the intensity, the meltdown, the whining, etc. After all, if I only show love when they are behaving perfectly, and not when they are not. It sends the wrong message, that my love and perhaps even God’s love is conditional. And it is not.
His love never fails.

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Random Musings

Happy Mother’s Day…to me

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I mentioned the other day that for this Mother’s Day I would be giving myself the Best. Gift. Ever. and it’s true.

I ran down the list of all the things a woman might enjoy…chocolate, pearls, diamonds, a spa day, etc. Yes, I might enjoy all of those things, but nothing more than this: permission to do absolutely nothing and enjoy it. It’s a gift that only I can give myself. And it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Today I cancelled plans, and I did not plan. We took an impromptu trip to the beach and didn’t even prepare ahead of time. I didn’t pack towels, or lunch. That is work, and I was going to do nothing…and enjoy it.

Enjoying it implies that there is the absence of guilt. I didn’t beat myself up for not packing swimsuits or freak out that the weather may have been a little to cool for a perfect day at the beach. Except, it was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

It was also perfect, because although my mom is far, far away, today I felt close to her.

The one thing I know that she would want to do is go to the beach on Mother’s Day. So I did with my kids what I wished I could do with her. As my toes became engrossed in its sandy composition the shore of a beach thousands of miles away brought me close to my mom on Mother’s Day.

There were many gifts those therapeutic waves washed ashore, among them was also stress relief. The sun kissed my skin, the wind blew my hair, and my heart filled with joy watching the kiddos play, and simultaneously my heart emptied of cares.

Everyday is a gift from God, but this one was special. It was also a gift from me to me.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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